I’m amazed at how time flies lately. It’s been a year already since I wrote a post about my breastfeeding experience in August 2020. You can click here to catch up with that post.
I became a mother for the second time in November 2020. Like my first birth, I was excited about breastfeeding exclusively for the second time.
I made plans to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months. I planned to store up milk for future use when I returned to work after the 3 months maternity break. I had it all planned out, I was going to express at work as well, so in my mind everything was going to happen as planned. But no, life happened.
Even before I returned to work, I had issues with my body producing milk like my first birth. It normalized quickly and soon I started producing enough milk to feed baby and store as well.
Fast forward I returned to work in the middle of February 2021, and I did my best to express in the office whenever I had the chance. Work got more intense by the day. Tight deadlines, trying to meet my KPI’s and a whole lot of stress associated with work. From fitting into a new role to adjusting to the standards of a new boss. This made it tough for my body to keep doing it’s job of producing milk. I was constantly stressed and tired. Work schedules got crazier and I couldn’t get off work at 3pm like I’m supposed to.
My milk supply dropped drastically since April. Nothing I did will bring my supply back to normal. From increasing my carbohydrates intake to eating granola, to drinking stuff that is supposed to help increase milk supply, you name it and I will buy it. But nothing worked . With time, my milk dried up completely .
I went through the phase of feeling like a disappointment. I wanted to do same for my second daughter; just like I did for my first. I wanted to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months. But my body said “no mom, I’m not having it” I struggled with my conscience for weeks.
Finally I got to a place where I accepted the fact that what I had done was enough. I could finally forgive myself and accept the fact that my body was not going to support me exclusively breastfeeding for 6months. I accepted the fact that I did love my second daughter regardless, the same way I love my first even if I could not do same for her by way of breastfeeding.
I switched quickly to formula feeding and thankfully my daughter accepted it well after a few days of struggle . When it was time to introduce her to solids, she made the switch smoothly. She still enjoys her milk the same way she enjoys her food. She is healthy and growing well. It will amaze you to know that she made her first steps when she was 7months old. She is walking already at 9months. She has never been ill and she is the happiest baby ever.
This is to every mother out there, it is good to breast feed when you can. It is okay to forgive yourself when you cannot. There is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding. Your duty is to make sure that the feeding kit is well washed and sterilized to prevent your little one from getting infections.
Motherhood on its own is tough, don’t make it tougher by being hard on yourself. I know society has it’s own stereotypes about who a good mother is and all . But I believe in you, I know you love your baby more than anyone can describe. Forget what society thinks and focus on what works for you. You have got this Mama.